motherhood

Last year when I was part ofa fellowship, I thought that if I could overcome that hardship, everything would be smooth sailing. However, life is not easy as usual. It always gives me new obstacles. These days I have been a bit down even though my favorite season, summer,has come. I know very well what makes me feel depressed. When D asked me about my three boys and if they are doing well, I answered yes unintentionally. However, it is not true. The conflict between my eldest son and husband has been still happening repeatedly and sometimes, itis not easy to find a resolution between them. At that time, it's tough to maintain my composure. and I feel as if I amstanding at the vertex of a triangle: both of them depend on me. When bad things happen to their daily relationship, both of them, especially my husband used to blaming me for his inappropriate attitude. Sometimes, I'd like to escape from this complicated situation.

The first World Cup group matchbrought a bit of light to our family relationship, though it wasonly for that brieftwo hour time. We did not go outon the street and we enjoyed the game at home. Besides, it was raining heavily here in Seoul, It's been a long timesince myfamily memberswatched TV: we never turn on the TVduring an ordinary day.This has been a rulein my family for the past 2 years. The victory of the Korean National teammade us happy beyond relief. Though I am not a big fan of sports, I agree thatthey are powerfulin this way. Allthree of my guys are sports fans and they like listening to music as well. Although they are arguing with each other every day, ironically they have similar tastes in many ways. I can understand the psychological basis which is buried under their animosities toward each others. However, the real life seems to be totally different from the ideal theory in a textbook. Sometimes, I feel a heavy burden pressuring down on my two shoulders. I know very well that it is my given job, which is regulating and trying to resolve this complicated Oedipus problem: keeping the motherhood and at the same time, living as a wise wife, are still terrible brick wall for me. The next rainly morning Iwas waking up alone and thinking about my mom. I miss her. If shewere in my shoes, what would she say?